Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in yasumika's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
3:10 pm	bleh.. I haven't posted on here in forever and half... hmm.. I don't know why I am now, but as of right now I feel really fucking stupid. Despite knowing the outcome and how this would turn out, I still chose not to listen to myself.. so I deserve to feel this way. I knew all along that nothing had changed, but there isn't much I can do now except nurse my wounds and be glad that I stopped myself before I got in any deeper... sigh... I could rant and rave and scream a thousand and one curses, but I won't.. so until next time... and as if my day couldnt get any worse, i didnt get my hentai and i hit my head on the kitchen table.. now i have a huge lump on my forehead.. way to go me!! Current Mood: melancholy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
9:11 am	I have oatmeal!! yeah... i'm eatting oatmeal!! it's yet another wendsday morning and i have a while before i have to leave for class. i havent posted anything on here lately, so i figured this will give me something to do. i'm not even sure if too much has been going on... my halloween was fun! i went to the parade in the city with Jen, which was cool. i went in my Temari cosplay, but of course no one knew who i was :( one girl came up to me and was like "yeah!! Temari!!" and i said "yay!!!". the parade was alright... lots of stuff going on at once though.. waaahhh.... the highlight of my nite though, and the thing that made it all worth it was seeing some dude dressed up in a Holy Grail costume and galloping down the street with the coconut halves!!! i almost pissed myself laughing, that was soooooo awesome!!! Hooray for Monty Python!!!! hmm... what else was there?? oh, there were these 2 dudes dressed as popes and the were walking down the street holding hands and periodically stopping to make out.... then there was this group of kids dressed up as sperm and an egg and the sperm kept chasing the egg around.. that was pretty funny. oh yeah, there was some dude running around as richard simmons, which was friggin hilarious!! the rest i think was your standard halloween costumes and all the pretty boys in drag... oh.. and there was some dude who decided to dress up as a giant tampon for some reason... i give him points for creativity, but thats just gross... other than that, nothing too exciting. i'm trying to come up with ways to kidnap Mai again!! and that for some reason reminded me of this really strange dream i had last nite... i was dreaming about Mugen, Jin, and Fuu from samurai champloo... i was hanging out with them and a bunch of other people outside somewhere.. all i remember is that everyone was eating crabs and i made out with Fuu... lol... i dont know what that was all about.. *shrugs shoulders* Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Friday, October 7th, 2005
8:25 pm	Man, why do I even bother??? I'm in such a friggin crappy mood right now. It's a mixture of anger, sadness, resentment, indignation, and disappointment. It really bothers me and I hate this feeling... this feeling that I've unfortunately grown very accustomed to. And people wonder why I'm so distant and why I never "let anyone in" or get close to anyone. Experience has taught me that people can not be counted on. I'm not pitying myself nor is this one of my self depricating moods.. This is one time that my ill feelings are directed and caused by someone other than myself. I don't understand why I put myself in this position, a position where I am so clearly vulnerable. I don't know why this person gets to me so much, and why I continue to deal with the situation. The only person in the world that I absolutely love to death, but makes my life so fucking complicated and drives me insane. I don't understand why I keep allowing myself to keep replaying the same scenario over and over again, knowing fully well what is going to happen. This isn't the first time this happened, it has happened so many times that I have lost count. I wish I could understand this more. I wish I knew why I keep allowing this to happen and why I can't bare to look the other way. Why I choose time and time again to try to fix something that may irreporably be broken. I wish I knew why my heart bleeds for this person and why the thought of them not being in my life seems too difficult to think about. I wish I could see the situation from the other person's eyes.. I just wish I understood... Maybe I'm just too nice, I don't know what it is. But I know that this is something that I would not let very many people get away with. I would never subject myself or my feelings to being disregarded by another person. I never allow myself to be vulnerable in front of anyone , ever, so why am I with this person?? I just don't get it... I keep trying and then whenever I get a flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe things might work out this time I get my heart ripped out of my ass once again. I get mad, I get pissed, I get hurt.. but still I go back.... I keep trying... WHY??? And I know the other person doesn't do this intentionally. I know that I am important to them and that they do care about me. That I don't question. I just don't understand their thought process and if they knew that the decisions they make and the promises they break hurt me so much. But if they care as much as they say they do then why am I so easily cast aside?? I don't know, maybe I'm just being stupid...I don't know what to think... It isn't as though I have built a dependancy on this person. This is the very reason why I don't depend on anyone. In fact this friendship was fractured long ago and I've been trying to save it ever since. But it never really has been the same since that happened. Maybe I am stupid and maybe I really should just give up already. It's not like it would change much of anything if I did. Part of me wants to. A friendship has to be worked on by both people in order to survive. I try my hardest, but I don't think I get any help in return. So that side of me wants to just say "fuck it". But then there's the other side of me. The side that truly values this person, despite all the bullshit. It is the side of me that believes in this person and knows that they do care, but something is just going wrong along the way. The side of me that wants this person to be a part of my life until the day I die because they mean that much to me and believes in trying to make things work. I don't really know what else to say.. I'm really just at a lose for words. Current Mood: disappointed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
9:28 am	Pick Up Truck Full of 40 Minutes I'm bored... it's early and i have about another hour until i have to leave for class. luckily i only have anatomy today, but we have a test today, which i just studied my ass off for... hopefully it will be ok. This past weekend was interesting... i don't know what i did on saturday. i honestly can't remember for some reason.. oh well, but sunday was fun. cathy and i went to our first show in ages!! we got to go see the awesomeness that is the Polysics at cbgbs!! whoooo!! it was such a nice day and we hadnt gone roaming in the city in ages, so we decided to take the scenic route there. cathy wound up stopping for ice cream on the way there, and the ice cream man was hitting on me :( lol. that was pretty funny though... anyway, the show wound up starting way later than it was supposed to, which sucked, especially since we had to wait around outside for like an hour or so. the highlight of that being that random dude spazzing out over a cigarette and cathy laughing at him.. that was so funny. but the wait was worth it. the talk was ok, they had some catchy tunes and the singer was drunken babbling about who knows what... and the polysics were soooo awesome!!!! the singer was interesting to say the least.. weird spasmatic movements, chugging lots of beer and whiping his shirt on people, and sexually molesting his guitar.... lol... but it was fun, im definately looking foward to seeing them again. japanese bands are awesome!! yay!! after the show we decided to take the scenic route back since it was still nice outside and talked about random stuff. including making fun of aya and yura sama's parapara video.. haha.. i havent been roaming in the city on a nice nite for ages, so that was great.. i need to do that more often. the nite was great, but unfortunately was ruined by some asshole breaking into cathy's car... way to ruin a good nite... yesterday was interesting too... lots of fun cosplay pics being taken in the park!! yay!! i think we confused a lot of people and a lot of them were staring at us... and one lady actually grabed her kids and moved them out of our way... that was so funny!! hooray for scaring people!! i'm excited because onna is this weekend!! yay!! its too bad i have no money :( sigh... oh well... im just staying away from the dealer room. i was looking at the schedule of what they have so far, and it seems ok... there's some panel called "bad porn read outloud" which sounds pretty funny/ interesting... so i might have to go check that out. but anyway, my cosplay is pretty much done. i made my ninja shoes for my Temari cosplay and i got more posterpaper to finish the fan. but i seem to have misplaced the belt.. i have no idea where it could have gone, so now i have to make another one :( bleh... but with my luck it will show up when i don't need it anymore... and thats about it. so that should be a fun weekend. krystal is going to crash at my house, so i get to spend some time with her which is good. i never get to see her... so i'm looking foward to that. i also just found out that Despairs Ray is doing a US Tour!!! YAY!!! they're going to be in the area for 3 days/ shows including one in nyc on halloween!!! i'm just hopeing i can find a job before then so i can go... that would be so great *fingers crossed* so theres some stuff to look foward to. cathy's birthday is next month, which means party hard.. then my birthday is a week or so later, which means party hard some more!! lol. we were talking about it yesterday and she said since she'll be 21 and i'm only turning 20, i'll be partying like i just turned 21... haha... that will be interesting. i just have to go do something this year.. i don't want another crappy birthday. last year i had to work on my birthday and the year before that i was stood up.... so i want it to be happy this year :) well anyway, i have to go to class soon and i'm still in my pj's so... until next time.... Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
6:48 pm	The funniest coversation ever.... ????: i think he misses the attention i used to give him atdipunk: maybe... he doesnt have anyone to show pics of his penis to lol atdipunk: hahaha ?????: lol ?????: lol, i wouldn't be surprized if that was the reason atdipunk: i wouldnt be either... ?????: lol, i mean i used to give him attention, but now not so much ?????: lol, you are my attention now atdipunk: aww wow... lucky me!! atdipunk: i can show u pics of my penis if u want lol atdipunk: haha ??????: damn right, lol atdipunk: whooo!! atdipunk: im sooo lucky! ?????: lol atdipunk: u know u wanna see it... ??????: lol, oh yes, very much atdipunk: haha atdipunk: thats right biatch!! atdipunk: u better!! atdipunk: u know u want me~ ??????: lol, yes this is true atdipunk: yay!!! atdipunk: im so special ^_^ atdipunk: ooh.. do u want to see a topless dir en grey site?? lol atdipunk: pretty asian boys w no shirts lol ??????: lol, sure my little sister will faint but ok atdipunk: except shinya... that dude is so skinny and looks under nourished.. i want to feed him lol atdipunk: haha thats great atdipunk: http://embryo.envy.nu/topless.html atdipunk: u can see that sexy beast kaoru lol ??????: whoo hoo! ???????: lol, *** says hands off kyo atdipunk: lol tell her she can have him atdipunk: im stealing die and kaoru lol atdipunk: !!! ?????: lol, no i don't think so, hands off kaoru!!! ?????: his jaw is mine atdipunk: hahah.. we'll have to fight!! ?????: haha, you said the majic words!!! *reveals weapons* atdipunk: *scoops up kaoru.. throws him over shoulders and runs away* ?????: lmao atdipunk: *then drags Die along by the collar* atdipunk: MINE!!! ?????: i'm not after Die!!! i just want him! *points to kaoru* atdipunk: we'll u cant have him!! *sticks out tongue and continues running w/ kaoru helplessly thrown over my shoulder* ??????: *runs after you, and tackles you while kaoru is thown across the room* atdipunk: haha atdipunk: oh no!! atdipunk: u've forced me to go into ninja mode... i am forced to protect what is mine!! *rips off clothing to reveal ninja clothing underneath* atdipunk: oops.. almost forgot *covers bottom of face w face mask* atdipunk: u are no match for me!! atdipunk: *meanwhile kaoru is quivering in the corner..* ??????: lol, we shall see *whips out samarai sword* atdipunk: *looks confused* where did u keep that thing?? ?????: lol, in my fro!!! atdipunk: hahaha atdipunk: omg... u seriously almost made me choke on my pretzel,... ??????: haha, now i have you right where i want you atdipunk: but no matter!!!! Kaoru is mine!!!!! atdipunk: *die starts to cry bcuz no one is fighting over him* atdipunk: *whips out shuriken* ??????: lol ??????: ok i want Die too!! atdipunk: what?!?! BLASPHEMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! atdipunk: first u try to take kaoru from me... now die!! atdipunk: this means war!! ??????: i can' ??????: t just leave him ?????: he has feelings too atdipunk: muahahaha... but i have a plan no doubt... atdipunk: *evil grin* atdipunk: *throws blinding powder at your face and runs out of the room* atdipunk: *reappears in doorway carrying kyo* ??????: damn it....you 've blinded me...but no matter, i can still fight back atdipunk: i now have your beloved kyo... what now?!?! ??????: i say taste my blade!!!*charges at chontel with samarai sword in hand* atdipunk: *drops kyo on his ass and chucks a shuriken at oponent's head* ?????: *blocks with sword* atdipunk: *kyo glares evily at me* but who cares?!! ??????: lol atdipunk: damn u!! atdipunk: *throws 3 kunai knives at once* atdipunk: put that in your pipe and smoke it!! ahaha atdipunk: (sorry no fight is complete without the cheesy fighting words) ?????: love too* block block BLOCK* atdipunk: CURSES!! CURSES!!!! atdipunk: i'll get u!! ?????: damn, i gotta go ?????: i have an exam tomorrow and i have to study atdipunk: aww... no more ninja battles!! atdipunk: *takes die and kaoru and runs away* atdipunk: mine mine mine!!!! ?????: damn it. if only i didn't have this test tomorrow!! atdipunk: hahaha atdipunk: i won!! atdipunk: *sticks out tongue* atdipunk: VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 atdipunk: MUAHAHAHAHA atdipunk: i was just about to unsheath my sword too... u got off lucky!! ??????: you may have won this one but there will be others, and next time you will not win!!! atdipunk: we'll see about that!! atdipunk: u just better not hide anymore stuff in that fro of yours! ????: you just better be prepared for my secrets!! atdipunk: uh oh... atdipunk: anytime biatch!! atdipunk: u wont take kaoru or die away from me!! ????: it's not your call to make my dear! atdipunk: oh.. well see about that!! atdipunk: u are no match for me and my awesomeness!! ?????: i am the awesomeness!!!1 atdipunk: psh.. yeah right! atdipunk: dont make me laugh! ?????: don't worry i'll make you cry!!! atdipunk: i'd like to see u try!! u'll be the one crying and begging for mercy when i'm done mopping the floor with u!! atdipunk: (hooray for trash talk lol) ?????: lol ????: ok now i really have to go atdipunk: ok ok... until next time atdipunk: *runs away dragging die and kaoru* ????: lol, damn you, don't worry guys i'll save you!!! ????: later i mean atdipunk: ok atdipunk: bye bye my love lol ?????: lol, ba-bye darling! That was one of the funniest conversations I've had in a long time... that was so great, i just had to post it!! Especially when she menioned the fro thing.. i almost pissed myself and choked on a pretzel simultaneously lol. thats so something u would see in an anime, an i had a mental picture.. oh man.. lol. oh yeah, btw.. i dont really have a penis.. it was a joke lol Current Mood: silly (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 24th, 2005
11:18 am	23 Lubed up Schizophrenics with Delusions of Granduer all my subjects will now be titles of Locust songs.... I'm bored.. but happily watching Psycho Le Cemu videos right now :) Yay!! I went and downloaded a bunch of J Rock stuff yesterday and found some good songs from Moi Dix Mois and Pierrot.. and a few other bands. Yesterday was an interesting day. I got to go harrass Cathy, whos geekiness knows no bounds lol. Advent Children + Card Captor Sakura + Jigen's friggin HILARIOUS comments + Soul Caliber + ParaPara = FUN!!!! Our new topic of obsession has some how become ParaPara... it would be really awesome if the S Cry Ed thing works out and we get something together for Anime Next and Otakon lol. That would be so funny.... so I guess we'll see what happens with that one. Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
10:38 pm	bleh... I'm in a strange mood right now.. I don't really know what I'm feeling, but there's a lot swirling around in my head. Well i've been thinking about "her" again, for no real reason in particular... I know that I'm just going to leave things the way it is, but I cant help but wonder if i truly believed she had changed or if something would come from that. I think that I might have had a glimer of hope for a little while, but now i know that everything is exactly the same and she hasnt changed at all. it sux, but what can u do?? i know i can say 10000 times that i dont care anymore, and i dont. but everyone time i see her *sigh*. but enough about her.. i need to get my mind on something else, and i think i may already have.... I'm also wondering why people do certain things.. but i dont even know how to approach this person about that. so i dont know if i will.... despite the fact that i am in a very strange mood.. i have a few things to look foward to ^_^ so hooray for that!! i need some stuff to distract me from myself. im also a little weirded out by random people throwing themselves at me on myspace lol. its one thing if people tell u they think u're attractive or something.. but i've had a few actually offer sex lol... i dont know whats up w that. i think it may be the french maid get up... *thinks* i dont know, though its sort of flattering, i dont know how to respond to that. its not like i sleep around w random people. *sigh* i just dont know.... Current Mood: melancholy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 19th, 2005
5:26 pm	Cathy is an evil and bad influence!! Damn u Cathy!!! lol My foot hurts... (random information). Today was an ok day. Class wasn't too eventful. I had cultures and values this morning which was cool. We got our course outlines and all that other fun stuff. We have 5 main assignments due and I have no idea what I'm doing some of them on!! One has to be a site visit to this art musuem in NYC. Which is awesome, we pretty much just have to write a paper about it, our thoughts, feelings, etc. It's on our own time though, so I have to find someone to drag with me!! I don't want to go by myself, thats no fun. Another one is another site visit, but it has to be to some sort of religious establishment other than our own. I'm not religious, nor do I particularly care for them, but it should be interesting. I have no clue what I'm going to do. And speaking of religious stuff. There having some trip to a Chinese Budhist Monostery? which is really cool and I'm thinking of going. But again, I have to find someone to drag with me... Anyway, another asignment (the easiest one) is to go eat some foreign food and write a paper about it. So I'm definately hitting up a Japanese resturant, but I'll make myself eat something I haven't had before. I've been dying to try Takoyaki and Okonomiyaki!! Hopefully I can find some place that makes it... The other 2 are of our choosing. One is just another paper and the other is an actual presentation. I have no clue what I'm going to do for the other paper, but I'm gonna do my presentation on Japanese snacks. Its easy and something I know about so I can wow everyone with all my random information. lol. I'm gonna try and see if I can find some place where I can buy Pocky in bulk and bring some in. I need to figure out what I'm going to do first. She doesn't care what order we do them in, but the first one is due in 2 weeks... *puts on thinking cap* other than that not too much is going on. My interview at the book store went pretty well, it just have to see if they'll call me back.. and I have another interview at KB Toys on wensday! lol yay!! As long as its not Toys R Us all over again its all good. (which i doubt it will be since its much smaller). Tis all for now..... Current Mood: happy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 16th, 2005
7:36 pm	Another one... So yeah, i was so angry yesterday i forgot to even mention that i just started this live journal thing. i figure it will give me something to do and help some people get to know me better by allowing them to be in my world a little, which i don't do very often... i also have no life. haha... i'm in a better mood today. i have a job interview tomorrow at a book store in the mall. hopefully they'll hire me. i would love to work in a book store and be surrounded by books all day (im such a nerd, i know). and i got another postcard from Mariel today!! (my friend in Cali). I've been talking to that chic for like, 4 or 5 years now and i've never met her lol. Someday i'll take my ass to Cali and hang out with her. ^_^ I also watched Zatoichi again today!! i love that movie sooo much!!! in other news my computer is being stupid. i've been trying to download episodes of Trinity Blood and Xenosaga.. but they won't download... oh well. I'm getting further into Bleach and its getting really friggin good. like, glued to my computer for hours kind of good. I ran into Mai the other day! I was sooo happy, I haven't seen her in ages... I went to UCC to get my chargeback papers and I saw her coming outside. (I told her it was a coinencidence? even though i was really stalking her and i was spotted lol). so she hung out w me for a bit and gave me a ride home. i love Mai soooo much and it sux that i don't get to spend too much time w her. (the story of my life). But i can't complain too much, i'm just happy to have her in my life. she's the person i am most close to and she knows me better than anyone in the world... I also ran into Ester and Eileen at the mall the other day, both of whom i haven't seen since high school. so that was interesting. As for "her". i think i'm done with it. know that i think about it i dont know why i held onto it for so long, but i guess all i really wanted was closure and now that i have it i don't find myself feeling the same way. plus she barely talks to me anyway... we went from talking every single day to not speaking at all. and it isn't my fault. i try, but i get the feeling she doesn't want to talk to me. besides she has too much baggage and is in a very different mental and emotional place than i am. it would never work... so i think it's best for me to just leave it alone and move on. i don't want to dwell on it anymore.... so this marks the end of a very long chapter in my life. onto the next.... Current Mood: chipper (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 15th, 2005
1:20 pm	Blah blah blah.... Grr... all isn't going to well at the moment. I'm in search of job and if I don't find one soon I'm going to be screwed! I have stuff to pay for and I have to get my ass to school... So I don't know what I'm going to do, all I can do is hope that someone will hire me. And all this could have been avoided if the damn owner wasn't such a douche bag (and a cheap one)! Fuck! Not that I was making much money there anyway, but my few hours a week was enough to get me to school and take care of what I needed to talk care of. Now I'm left with nothing and I only have what I made this week to get me to school next week... So I really hope I can find something soon. I can't make my mom give me money... she has enough on her plate as it is. Anyway, I haven't done much else being that that's top priority. I don't care if I make $50 a week... I just need something to hold me over for the time being. I'm just glad that I got my badge for Onna already! But if I don't find a job, I'll have no money to get there.. let alone buy stuff. I'm so pissed! Subject change... I'm watching S Cry Ed... hooray! But I think I'm gonna go commence my search.. hopefully luck will be on my side and I'll find something really soon *fingers crossed* Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)